Zvemukati
- 1. Kutaurirana ndiko kiyi yemuchato wakanaka
- 2. Kana momma vasina kufara, hakuna munhu anofara
- 3. Hauzombopererwi nejelly bhinzi
- 4. Vakaroorana vanofanira kugadzirisa kusawirirana kwavo uye vanobvumirana
- 5. Vana vako vanouya kutanga
Hupenyu hwakawanda hwehungwaru nezvewanano hachisi chokwadi. Kune manyepo akati wandei nezve michato yakanaka kana 'ngano dzewanano' idzo vakuru vedu vanoedza kutsigira uye kutarisira kuti titende. Zvakanaka, zvimwe zveizvi zvinogona kunge zviri zvechokwadi kune mamwe michato, asi uhwu haungave hukama hwaungade kuve iwe!
Heano mamwe enhema-anotendwa manyepo kana ngano nezve michato yakanaka uye nemashandisiro aungaita chokwadi chako kana chimwe cheizvi chikaitika kwauri.
1. Kutaurirana ndiko kiyi yemuchato wakanaka
Zvinoita kunge zviri pachena, handizvo here? Kukurukurirana kwakanakisa kunofanirwa kuve pakati pehukama hwakanaka. Ndo magadzirisiro anoita vakaroorana kusawirirana kwavo. Ndiwo mashandiro amunoita sechikwata.
Pane dambudziko rimwe chete. Haisi chokwadi. Says ndiani? Sayenzi!
Muongorori John Gottman akaongorora vakaroorana mumakumi emakumi emakore. Akaongorora mavhidhiyo avo vachikakavadzana. Aka "coded" ese kutaurirana kwavo. Akatarisa mashandisiro avakaita muchato wavo mushure memakore mashanu, gumi, nemashanu.
Akakwenya manhamba ndokuona chimwe chinhu chinonakidza. Kutaurirana kwakanaka hachisi chinhu chakakosha mumichato mizhinji.
Tsvagurudzo yakanongedzera kumakiyi manomwe kumuchato wakanaka, asi hapana imwe yaive "inotaurirana zvirinani":
- Ziva mumwe wako chaizvo
- Chengetedza kufarira uye kuyemura
- Itai nemumwe nemumwe nguva dzose
- Rega mumwe wako akufurira
- Gadzirisa matambudziko anogadziriswa
- Kukurira gridlock
- Gadzira akagovana zvinoreva
Mukururamisira, kutaurirana kwakashata (kushoropodza, kuzvidza, kuzvidzivirira, uye kupwanya matombo) kwakataurwa sechiratidzo chekuti hukama hwaparadzwa.
Tsvagurudzo yakaratidza, hazvo, kuti kuva nezvinhu zvinomwe pamusoro zvinogona kukunda kutaurirana kwakashata, uye kutaurirana kwakanaka hakugadzirise muchato wakashaikwa mazhinji ezvinhu izvi. Saka, kutaurirana kwakanaka hakusi kiyi isingarambike kumichato yakanaka.
2. Kana momma vasina kufara, hakuna munhu anofara
Pane izwi kune vanhu vanotyisidzira kuti vamwe vese vatambure kana vakasazowana zvavanoda. Vanodaidzwa kuti vadzvanyiriri.
Chokwadi pamusoro pekuroora ndechekuti, mumwe munhu anozove asingafare nguva nenguva. Izvo zvakajairika. Vanozozvikunda. Kana "momma" ikatyisidzira kuputira (pamoyo) imba yese pese paanotsamwa, inozopaza mhuri zvishoma nezvishoma. (Izvi hazvisi zvevakadzi, zvinoshanda zvakafanana ku "poppa.")
Hazvisi nyore kurasa chigumbu, hasha, kuora moyo, uye kushungurudzika kuti matambudziko ehupenyu anotikandira munzira, asi icho chikamu chezvinoreva kuva munhu mukuru. Asi, mumhuri ine hutano hwemweya, vanhu vakuru vane kugona kuzvidzikamisa uye kugadzirisa matambudziko ari muwanano.
Kudzinga aya manzwiro ane simba nenzira inovaka, kuburikidza nekufungisisa, kurovedza muviri, mitambo yekuzvivaraidza, mitambo, kana kubatana neshamwari, ndiro danho rekutanga.
Usangovaita chiveve neTV, mitambo yemavhidhiyo, kunwa, kana zvinodhaka. Manhamba uye asina kugadziriswa manzwiro anongowedzera kune zvinoputika izvo zvinopedzisira zvaputika.
Kana tangozvidzikamisa, tinogona kutaura nemumwe wedu, uye kuyedza kugadzirisa nyaya yacho. (Kana kwete. Ona zvikamu zvinotevera.)
Saka, chii iwe chaunofanirwa kuita kana iwe uri mune yemanzwiro isingagutse imba uye mumwe wako ari anonzwisa tsitsi gandanga?
Iwe unofanirwa kurwisa maitiro avo emanzwiro nenzira yakadzikama, inonzwisisika. Chinyorwa ichi chinoshanda kazhinji: "Ini ndinogona kutaura kuti wakatsamwa sei. Ini ndoda kubatsira kushanda kuburikidza neizvi newe. Tora kanguva unzwe kudzikama ufunge nezvenyaya yacho, tobva tazotaura nezvazvo. ”
Kana kuputika kwepfungwa kukaenderera, unogona kungodzokorora wadzokorora, "Hatisi kuzoita fambiro mberi mumwe wedu akatsamwa. Tora kanguva unzwe kudzikama ufunge nezvenyaya yacho, tobva tazotaura nezvazvo. ”
Pakupedzisira, kana iwe urikutsvaga muchato wakanaka, nzira yakanakisa yekurwisa iyo "momma" maitiro haisi yekuzvibvumira iwe kusafara nekuda kwekuti momma ndizvo.
3. Hauzombopererwi nejelly bhinzi
Wakambonzwa here nezvevaviri vakaisa jelly bhinzi muhari nguva dzese dzavaiita bonde vasati varoora?
Mushure memuchato, vakatora jelly bhinzi kubva muchirongo chimwe chete ichocho. Mumakore avo ese emuchato, havana kumbobvisa chirongo chejelly bhinzi.
Iyi nyaya inowanzo kutaurwa kune vakomana nezve kuroora, kutaurwa nevakomana vakaroora makore mashoma uye avo (vanofungidzira) vakaona hupenyu hwavo hwepabonde huchiderera.
Uye ndiani anokonzereswa nekuderera kunosuruvarisa kwehuwandu?
Vanyori venhau vanowanzo pomera vakadzi vavo, vamwe vachienda kusvika pakufungira chirauro nemaune-uye-switch.
Ichokwadi chekuderera, zvakadaro, chinowanzo kuve chakaomarara. Ingotarisa mutsauko uripakati pekuti vaviri ava, Don naAmelia, vanofambidzana sei uye ivo vaviri vaviri mushure memakore mashoma emuchato.
Pavakatanga kufambidzana, Don naAmelia vese vakashanda nesimba kuti vaite kuti mumwe nemumwe afare. Akaronga mazuva akasarudzika uye nzendo dzerudo. Akaita bvudzi rake ndokupfeka panty ye lacy kunyangwe yekudya zvemanheru pabhawa repanzvimbo.
Mushure mehusiku hwakanaka kunze, vese vaizoshamisika kana zvinhu zvikave zvepedyo gare gare uye ivo vakaedza nesimba kuti vese vafarire uye vafarire. Pakasvika nguva yekutsvoda-kwehusiku-husiku, pakanga paine kusagadzikana kwepfungwa kwakanyanya, kuchivatyaira kuenda kuda imwe neimwe.
Siyanisa izvi nemabatiro anoita Don naAmelia mushure memakore mashoma emuchato. NdiChishanu, “husiku hwemusi,” uye vari vaviri vanonoka kudzoka kumba vachibva kubasa. Vanobata base nevana uye vanopa iwo masetita madhairekitori ekudya kwemanheru uye nguva yekurara.
Kusvetuka mumotokari, vanoona kuti hapana kana mumwe wavo akachengetedza, saka vanonanga kune chero resitorendi iri padyo uye havazowanda kana kudhura zvakanyanya.
Nekumhanya-mhanya kwese kwese, havana kumbobvira vasiya basa- kana mubereki-maitiro, saka hurukuro yemanheru inotenderedza vana, mabasa avo, nezvimwe zvisungo, vasina nzvimbo yekutarisira zvepabonde muwanano.
Vanosvika kumba, vanobhadhara vanogara, vanotarisa vana, vanochinja mapyjama, uye pakupedzisira, mushure mezuva refu pakupera kwesvondo refu, vanozvimonera pamubhedha vodzima mwenje. Mushure memaminetsi mashanu ekunyarara, Don anobvunza, "Unoda kuita bonde here?"
Ne zero kukakavara kwemanzwiro pakati pavo, ne zero yepedyo yekutaurirana kubatana husiku hwese (vhiki rese?), Hapana zvachose chishuwo chakavakwa muAmelia. .
Ini handidi kukuudza kuti nyaya iyi inoguma sei!
Saka michato yakanaka inokunda sei jelly bhinzi musungo?
Havaite sevakaroora!
Ivo vanoronga uye vanofara pamusoro peanowanzoitika manheru kunze. Ivo vanounza kukakavara kwepabonde husiku hwese; anonongedzera kuzvinhu zvitsva zvaachaita mumubhedha gare gare, uye anobva atanga kufara (pamwe kakutya?) pane zvichauya. (Pun yakatarwa.)
Vaviri vakaroora ava vanoramba vachi "kufambidzana" uye vanochengeta moto, chakavanzika, uye mufaro pamusoro pemakore mazhinji. Zvinoshanda here?
Vakaroorana vazhinji vanotaura kuti vane zvimwe bonde mushure memakore makumi maviri nemashanu ekuroora kupfuura zvavakaita mugore rapfuura uye gore mushure mekuroora. Iyo yakawanda jelly bhinzi!
4. Vakaroorana vanofanira kugadzirisa kusawirirana kwavo uye vanobvumirana
Imwe yengano dzakakurumbira nezvewanano ndeyekuti vaviri vakakodzera vanogadzirisa makakatanwa avo ese nehurukuro yevagari uye vanopedzisira vabvumirana.
Asi, vaviri ava vanongowanikwa mune yekufungidzira kurota-nyika ine maunicorn nemashiripiti muraraungu. Icho chaicho chakanyanya kushomeka.
Kune vanhu vasina mufaro muwanano yavo, zvikamu zviviri kubva muzvitatu zvematambudziko avo hazvigadziriswe. Mumichato yakanaka, kana tichienzanisa, zvikamu zviviri kubva muzvitatu zvematambudziko avo hazvigadziriswe. Ndiyo nhamba yakafanana!
Zvimwe zvinhu hazvigadzirisike.
Vakaroorana vanogona kutaura zvese zvavanoda, asi havambo “gadzirise” kuti zviri nani kuenda kuzororo mumakomo kana pamhenderekedzo. Kana kuti zviri nani here kuti vana vaende zuva rega rega rechikoro kana kupota vachirasikirwa nerwendo rwunonakidza? Kana zvakakosha zvakadii kune chese chinhu chaunoshandisa kuve chisina mukaka, zviyo, uye shuga?
Kazhinji, haumbobvumirana.
Saka kana 66% yenguva vanhu vasiri kuzogadzirisa nyaya newavakaroorana naye, chii chinoparadzanisa michato yakanaka kubva kune yakaipa?
Mumichato yakanaka, vanhu vanoziva misiyano yavo uye havarege izvo zvisina kugadziriswa zvivanetse. Vakambokurukura nyaya idzi nguva zhinji zvisati zvaitika uye havadi kudzokerazve. Muchokwadi, ivo vanogona kuseka neumwe neumwe pamusoro pavo.
Jane naDave muenzaniso wakanaka.
Anoda kuisa zvinomera zvekunze zvakapoteredza yadhi. Iye anotenda akasimba kuti chero chinhu chiri muyadhi chisingagone kutemwa kutambisa nguva nemari. Nguva dzese Jane paanocherekedza chirimwa chinonakidza, Dave majee ayo angangoonekwa muyadhi yavo imwe nguva munguva pfupi.
Jane anonyemwerera uye anomunyepera nekumurova nechigunwe. "Kana zvadaro, cheka kutenderedza kwete, kwete pamusoro izvo! ” Dave anoisa hupenzi, mbeveve kumeso kwake sekunge asina kumbonzwa nezvekucheka kutenderedza chimwe chinhu. Zvinoita kuti Jane aseke.
Ziva kuti Dave anoseka nezve chirimwa chinoonekwa muyadhi yavo senzira yekuseka Jane, kwete kumuranga. Zvimwe chetezvo ndezvechokwadi nokusekwa kwaJane — anozviitira kuvaraidzwa kwake, kwete kumuisa pasi.
Vakashandura kusawirirana kwavo kuita nyambo yemukati yavanofarira vese. Panzvimbo pekuvaparadzanisa, chiitiko chewanano ichi chinovaswededza padyo. Pasina kupokana, iyi ndeimwe yemazano akanakisa ekuunza mukuita kana michato yaipa.
5. Vana vako vanouya kutanga
Senzanga, tinoita senge tiri kuzungunuka pakati pemafungiro anopikisana kana zvasvika pakurera vana.
Muma 1940 nema50, amai vakagara pamba uye vakaita vana kukoshesa kwavo; baba vaigara vari pabasa. Mumakore makumi manomwe nemakumi masere, vakadzi vazhinji vakapinda mukushanda, uye chizvarwa chekuzviriritira, asi chisina kutungamirwa, vana vekiyi-kiyi vakakura.
Mukumukira kune ino maitiro, iyo helikopta vabereki vakatanga kuoneka. Idzi mhuri dzinoisa pamberi zviitiko zvevana zvakawanda (senge nhabvu, lacrosse, bhendi, gakava, kushambira, theatre, uye yese-yezhizha nzvimbo musasa) pamusoro pezvese zvimwe muhupenyu hwavo.
Hapana chimwe cheizvi kunyanyisa zvisina mwero chinodiwa, kune vana kana vabereki vavo! Latch-kiyi vana vanoona vabereki vavo vachitarisa zvakanyanya pazvinhu zviri kunze kwemhuri. Ivo vanogona kuvenga kusafuratirwa nepo panguva imwe chete vachipinda munzira dzoudyire dzavabereki vavo.
Ivo vabereki veherikoputa vari kumisidzana yakatarisana, asi nemuenzaniso wakaenzana wakajeka. Vana vavo vanogona kukura vachifunga kuti nyika inotenderera pavari-nekuti zvine hupenyu hwavo hwese!
Unoda kuyedza trombone? Mumwe munhu achakutengera imwe uye kuenda newe kuzvidzidzo. Unoda kutamba bhora? Mwana wega wega anoita chimwe chezvikwata uye, chokwadi, zvikwata zvese zvinowana mikombe.
Vana vanoona vabereki vavo neherikoputa sevasina udyire uye vasina mufaro zvachose, uye pakupedzisira, michato yakawanda inoguma pakurambana.
Kana tikataura nezvehuwandu, makumi mana kubva muzana evabereki ava vanopedzisira varambana, uye vamwe makumi mashanu muzana vanoramba vakaroora asi havasi kufara. Icho chinotyisa muenzaniso wekuteedzera vedu vana!
Imwe bharanzi yakarongeka, pano. Vakaroorana vanofara vanowanzozviisa ivo pekutanga, murume / mukadzi wavo wechipiri, vana chechitatu, uye zvimwe zvese (basa, zvinokuvaraidza, nezvimwewo) mushure meizvozvo. Vana vanodzidza kuti inhengo dzakakosha dzemhuri, zvirokwazvo dzakakosha kupfuura mabasa evabereki vavo, asi nyika haitenderi kwavari.
Ivo vanogona kutora chikamu mumhando dzese dzezviitiko, uye Amai naBaba vanenge varipo, asi ivo vanofanirwa kusarudza izvo ivo chaizvo unoda kuita uye pamwe shanda nesimba pazviri. Zvakanakisisa pane zvese, ivo vanosvika pakuisa muchato musimba uyo unoratidza kuti amai nababa vanokoshesa sei mumwe nemumwe.
Wanano yega yega yakasiyana uye panogona kuve nezvakawanda zvinotendwa nezve izvo zvakanaka nezvakaipa kuita asi zvese hazvishande munzira dzatinofungidzira. Imba yakanaka yemuchato inoda basa rakawanda pazvinhu zvakawanda uye kutaurirana kwakanaka, kurira kwakanaka kwevabereki, hukama hwepedyo pavari pachavo haugone kungopa vimbiso. Pakati penzira, kune zvakawanda zvekugadzirisa uye kazhinji iwe unofanirwa kudzidza sezvaunoenda.