Zvemukati
- 1. Tinovenga kupokana
- 2. Tinoshuva kudiwa, kudiwa, nekusimbiswa nguva dzose
- 3. Isu tinowanzosarudza vanhu vanoda kuponeswa, kubatsirwa, kurapwa
- Asi pasi pemugwagwa, mufananidzo wacho hauna kunaka
- Tarisa pane codependency kupora
- Hukama hwakazvimirira hunogona kuponeswa here?
Mupi wezano uye munyori anotengesa zvakanyanya anoti "Ndakarasika munyika yerudo nekuteerera."
Fungidzira kuva mupi wezano, uye mudzidzisi wehupenyu, uye munyori wekutanga anotengesa zvakanyanya uye uchinetseka muhukama iwe pachako. Waizoitei? Ungazvibata sei?
Kwemakore makumi maviri nemapfumbamwe apfuura, munyori wekutanga anotengesa zvakanyanya, chipangamazano uye Hupenyu Kochi David Essel anga achibatsira mamirioni avanhu kubva pasirese kuburikidza neyake pane rimwe basa, mabhuku, hurukuro uye mavhidhiyo, kuti vaongorore zvinoreva uye nekudzika rudo muhupenyu hwavo.
Asi zvakatora huchokwadi hwemunhu uyu kuvimbika uye kuda kukumbira rubatsiro, kuti anzwisise mutsauko muhupenyu hwake pakati porudo nerudo rwakazvimirira. Ichi chinyorwa chehunyanzvi naDavid Essel chinojekesa maitiro ekugadzirisa hukama hwakapindwa muropa uye hwakatsiga.
“Kusvikira 1997, handina kumbobvira ndanyatsoongorora basa rakaitwa naRudo muhupenyu hwangu, uyezve pamwe zvakatonyanya kukosha iro basa rakatarisana nekodhi muhukama hwangu hwerudo.
Ndakanga ndiine chivimbo chakanyanya, jongwe zvakanyanya kana zvasvika pakuda, uye ini pachokwadi handina kufunga kuti ndaida rubatsiro rwakawanda. Mushure mezvose ini ndiri chipangamazano uye murairidzi wehupenyu uye ndanga ndichishanda munyika yekukura kwega kwega makore makumi mana, saka ndiani aigona kubatsira kundidzidzisa chero chinhu chitsva?
Chimwe chezvipo zvikuru zvandakapihwa pamusoro pemakore makumi mana apfuura, kuve nevanhu vanobva kumativi ese epasi vandibate kuti ndibatsirwe. Kuti ubatsirwe. Kuti zvive pachena.
Asi neimwe nzira, ini handina kufunga kuti ndaida rubatsiro, kunyangwe hazvo hukama hwangu hwainge hwapera nguva zhinji mune nyonganiso nemutambo.
Kufanana nevanhu vazhinji, ini ndakangoti ini ndanga ndakaipa "munhonga vakadzi"
Asi chokwadi? Yakanga yakasiyana zvakanyanya.
Saka mu1997, ndakatanga kushanda nemumwe chipangamazano, uye ndakapedza mazuva mazana matatu nemakumi mairi nematanhatu ndichitarisa nyika yekuteerera uye rudo muhukama hwangu pachedu, kuyedza kusvika pasi pechikonzero nei ndakasangana nenyonganyonga nemutambo muhupenyu hwangu hwerudo.
Mhinduro, yaive yakagadzirira, yakamirira ini kuti ndiiwane.
Pakupera kwemazuva makumi matatu, chipangamazano wangu akandiudza kuti ndaive mumwe wevanonyanya kuzvimirira murudo murudo rwaakange ambosangana narwo.
Ndakavhunduka, ndakavhiringidzika, ndikakatyamadzwa.
Sei ini, munyori, chipangamazano, Hupenyu Kochi uye nyanzvi mutauri kusaziva kuti ndine nyaya hombe muhukama inonzi codependency? Zvandaive ndoda kuziva hazvina kungochinja hupenyu hwangu chete, asi nemabatiro andakaita basa rangu rekupangana mazano nekudzidzisa zvekare.
Kuzvimiririra muhukama ndiko kupindwa muropa kukuru munyika, uye ini ndaive mumwe wevanhu ivavo vaivimba zvisingaite muhupenyu.
Saka, mira sei kuve unoenderana nekodhi muhukama hwako?
Kutanga, ngatitarisei zvimwe zvezviratidzo kuti tione kana iwe, seni, uchinyatsovimbika murudo:
1. Tinovenga kupokana
Isu tinotiza kubva kunetsana kwakakomba, kana zvasvika pakuedza kugadzirisa kuburikidza nematambudziko muhupenyu hwedu hwerudo.
Ndaiita izvi nguva dzese. Dai ini ndaive muhukama ndisingawirirane nemusikana wangu, uye isu tikatadza kusvika pakunzwisisa, ndaivhara pasi, ndonwa zvakawanda, uye mune dzimwe nguva ndingave nehukama hwekudzivisa kupokana uye kutaurirana kwaida kuitwa.
Ndiwe here uyu? Kana zvirizvo, uye une simba rekuzvibvuma, seni unovimba nerudo.
2. Tinoshuva kudiwa, kudiwa, nekusimbiswa nguva dzose
Iyo codependent murudo, inoda kutsvaga mumwe munhu anogara achivaudza kuti ivo vakanaka, vane simba, vakanaka, vanoyevedza, vakangwara, ndinofunga iwe unowana mufananidzo.
Tinoda kusimbiswa.
Hwaro hwekutsamira murudo kuderera kuzvivimba uye kuzvitarisira pasi.
Uye ini ndaive nazvo zvese, uye ndaisatombozviziva.
Koiwe? Iwe unogona here kuita chimwe chinhu chakanaka kune mumwe wako, uye kana vasinganyanyokutenda, iwe unogona kugutsikana chete nekuti iwe uchiziva kuti waita chinhu chakakodzera?
Kana, kana iwe ukaita chimwe chinhu chakanaka kune mumwe wako, iwe unoda here kunyangwe zvangova zvemukati, kwauri pachako, kuti ivo vanofanirwa kunge vachikutenda kasingaperi?
Iko kudiwa kwekugara uchisimbisa imwe nzira yekuenderana kwekodhi murudo.
3. Isu tinowanzosarudza vanhu vanoda kuponeswa, kubatsirwa, kurapwa
Kunyanya avo vedu vanoshanda muindasitiri yekukura, sevanachipangamazano, Varairidzi veHupenyu, vashumiri, vanogadzira bvudzi, varairidzi vega uye nezvimwe, isu tinowanzo sarudza vadyidzani vanoda rubatsiro rwedu uye zvinonzwa zvakanaka kwatiri tese panguva ino.
Asi pasi pemugwagwa, mufananidzo wacho hauna kunaka
Isu tinove nekutsamwira kuti vatinoshanda navo vangave vasiri kurarama zvinoenderana nezvatinotarisira, uye ivo vanove vanotsamwira kuti isu tiri kuvamanikidza kuti vachinje. Mamiriro ezvinhu akashata chose.
Ndakaita izvi kwemakore akawanda, ndaizosangana nevakadzi vaishupika nemari, kana kunetsekana nevarume vavo vekare, kana kunetsekana nechivimbo, kana kunetsekana nevana uye panouya David, chipangamazano, Hupenyu Kochi uye munyori kununura!
Kana isu tichigara tichisarudza mukomana akaipa, kana musikana ari kunetsekana, tinosendamira murudo.
Nechimwe chikonzero isu tinotenda kuti isu tine izvo zvinotora kuvabatsira kusimuka kuburikidza nematambudziko avo uye kudiwa zvisina ani akambove akavada kare.
Unozviona uri mumufananidzo uyu here? Kana uchikwanisa kuzvibvuma, uri munzira yekupora.
Kubva pandakaenda munzira yangu yakasimba muna 1997, ndakachinja zvakanyanya maitiro angu munyika yekufambidzana nehukama, zvekuti ndinogona kuona David Essel mugirazi.
Panzvimbo pekutsvaga vakadzi kuti vabatsire, kununura, kununura, ini ndave nerunyararo pamwe nekuve ndisina kuroora, kana kuve muhukama nemumwe munhu ane chiito chavo pamwe chete.
Kana iwe uchinetseka nekuve usina kuroora, kana iwe usiri kufara kuve usina kuroora, kana iwe usingakwanise kuwana mufaro uri wega, uri wakazvimiririra murudo.
Tarisa pane codependency kupora
Mune yedu nyowani, isinganzwisisike nyaya yerudo, iyo yakanyorwa muzvitsuwa zveHawaii zvinonzi "Angel on a surfboard", mutambi anotungamira Sandy Tavish inyanzvi yehukama uye munyori anoenda kuzvitsuwa izvi kuzororo uye zvakare kudzidza zvakawanda nezve makiyi e rudo rwakadzama.
Munyaya iyi, anosangana nemukadzi akanaka kwazvo anonzi Mandi, uyo anga achangodzinga mumwe mukomana wepamoyo, mukomana asina basa kubva kuimba yake uye zvino aive nemaziso ake kuna Sandy se "murume wezviroto zvake."
Nekuti Sandy akange azviitira ega basa, uye apwanya hunhu hwake hwekuzvimirira, akakwanisa kuramba kuyedza kwekunyengerera nemukadzi akanaka uyu, achiziva kuti aifanira kununurwa, kupodzwa uye kuponeswa kubva pahukama hwake hwekare asi iye anga asiri kuzodzika nemugwagwa iwoyo zvakare.
Hukama hwakazvimirira hunogona kuponeswa here?
Mhinduro ndeyekuti kwete. Kuzvimirira, murudo hukama, kunogadzira kusavimba uye chigumbu.
Kana iwe uchida rubatsiro, uye kana iwe uchizviona iwe mune imwe yeiyo mienzaniso iri pamusoro, svikira kune chipangamazano, mushumiri kana Hupenyu Kochi nhasi uye dzidza zvakawanda sezvaungagone nezve iyi inoshamisa inokanganisa kupindwa muropa munyika yerudo.
Paunenge iwe wawana kuravira kweizvo zvinoita sekunge uri muhukama hune hutano, hune rudo, hwakazvimiririra, kana kana iwe uchinge waona kuti zvine hutano sei kufara uye kusaroora wega, hauzombodzokera mukuteerera murudo.
Tora kubva kuna nyanzvi, kubva kune nyanzvi, kubva kune yaimbove codependent kusvika zvino mudiwa akazvimirira, kuti kana ndichigona kuzviita, unogona kuzviita. "
Basa raDavid Essel rinotsigirwa zvikuru nevanhu vakaita saMushakabvu Wayne Dyer, uye mukurumbira Jenny Mccarthy anoti "David Essel ndiye mutungamiri mutsva wesangano rakanaka rekufunga."
Iye ndiye munyori wemabhuku gumi, mana awo ave nhamba yekutanga yekutengesa zvakanyanya.
Marriage.com yakasimbisa David semumwe wevakuru vehukama nyanzvi uye vanachipangamazano munyika.